JOKE of the DAY

[64sunburst]

I don't see it either.

Byron

[Dennisthe Menace]

What Is an Old Cowboy?

Ya think you have lived to be 71 and know who you are,
then along comes someone and blows it all to Heck!

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him..
She turned to the cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos,
fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats,
working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.'

She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up
in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When
I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, 'Are you a real cowboy?'

He replied, 'Well, I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'

[dorkrockrecords]

[Veenture]

Dennis, I'm not getting it...the website that is

[Dennisthe Menace]

MAN OF THE HOUSE

A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled,
"You Can Be THE Man of Your House."

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to
know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a
gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm done eating my meal, you will serve me a
scrumptious dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we
will have the kind of sex that I want!

Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my
back and towel me dry and bring me my robe.. Then, you will massage my feet
and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

The wife replied, "The freaking funeral director would be my first guess."

[Dennisthe Menace]

Subject: Fwd: The Cowboy and the Genie


The Cowboy is taking his last breath, when all of a sudden he sees an object sticking out of the
sand several yards ahead of him. He crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand and discovers what
looks to be an old briefcase. He opens it and out pops a genie. But this is no ordinary genie.
She is wearing a FEMA (Federal Emergency Management Agency) ID badge and a dull gray dress.
There is a calculator in her pocketbook. She has a pencil tucked behind one ear. 'Well, cowboy,'
says the genie..You know how I work....You have three wishes.'
'I'm not falling for this.' said the cowboy... 'I'm not going to trust a FEMA genie.'
'What do you have to lose? You've got no transportation and it looks like you're a goner anyway!'
The cowboy thinks about this for a minute and decides that the genie is right.
'OK!, I wish I were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink.'
***POOF***
The cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen
and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.
'OK, cowpoke, what's your second wish.'
My second wish is that I was rich beyond my wildest dreams.'
** *POOF***
The cowboy finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with
rare gold coins and precious gems.
'OK, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. Better make it a good one!'
After thinking for a few minutes, the cowboy says... 'I wish that no
matter where I go, beautiful women will want and need me.'
***POOF***
He was turned into a tampon.
Moral of the story:

If the government offers to help you, there's going to be a string attached.

[Dennisthe Menace]

To my fellow "Old Dogs:"

One day the old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep trouble now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?'

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!' says the panther, 'That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!'

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes, but the old German Shepherd sees him heading after the panther with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?', but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...
'Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!

Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the old dogs... age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!

Brilliance only comes with age and experience.

[Chemo]

What's the difference between a rock musician and a jazz musician?
- A rock musician plays three chords to thousands of people.

[Dennisthe Menace]

What's the difference between a Drummer and Domino's Pizza?
Domino's Pizza CAN feed a Family of four

[JimPage]

What does perfect pitch mean in musical terms?
That's when you throw a banjo into a dumpster and hit an accordian.

What is the difference between a banjo and an onion?
Nobody cries when you chop up a banjo.

Those are the only two musical jokes I know.

--Jim